Real Life vs. Real Slavery

  So i’ve been sitting around here the past couple of days and have heard and seen and experienced some things that have been a wee bit unsettling as well as illuminating. i thought i’d write about one of them here tonight.

   As slaves, we are faced with absolutes every day. we are expected to be pleasing and giving and loving to our Dominants first and foremost. If we do not do those things there are consequences for our actions. we are expected to adhere to the rules and guidelines set out for us at all cost. And we do so happily.

   Sometimes our Dominants ask things of us that are difficult or uncomfortable, sometimes nearly impossible. Those are the times when we are pushed, and the molding of our slavery comes into play. A true slave feels a certain type of thrill at being pushed and guided into uncharted territory by a Dominant she trusts.

   we sit, poised and ready for the next opportunity to show our devotion to our Master or Mistress by complying without question to whatever mandate They set before us. we wait and we bide our time being as pleasing as possible in hopes that They will take the time to push the envelope a wee bit more.

   Sometimes it happens out of the blue. you are sitting having a pleasant conversation with Them and out of nowhere you are given instructions for something that catches you completely off guard and is outside of your comfort zone. Though you are frightened you are also exhilarated at the prospect to be able to serve in such a manner and please Them to the best of your ability. your mind frantically casts about trying to figure out the technicalities of making the request come to fruition.

   If you have a quality Dominant as your Owner…He or She will comfort and gently nudge, not backing off of Their original request, but letting you know that you are loved and cared for and never alone as you set about attempting to fulfill these desires. If you have a Dominant Who does those things you are one lucky little slave indeed.

   There are of course things that get in the way of our best attempts to be a good slave for our Dominants. Real life hampers things sometimes. Of course there are ways around most situations if people are creative and think before just giving up and forgetting the original desire simply because there seem to be obstacles in the way.

   It can become a bit tedious and tiring for the Dominant i am sure having to work around busy schedules or children or illness, but if They are true and the slave is true, i believe Tthey can persevere. You, as Dominants, only need to put on Your thinking caps and find new and different ways to push the envelope. You could even pose a question to Your slave to ask them if they know of a way that they can make something happen that You wish to happen if You are coming up blank. Two minds are better than one after all.

   So slaves…try to keep your chin up. Try to remember that your Master or Mistress is human and has stuff going on in Their lives as much as you have going on in yours. i know the ache to be of use and to FEEL like a slave in your heart is sometimes an overwhelming fire burning in the pit of your stomach. Just take a deep breath and pray that your Dominant sees the fire in your eyes and acts on it. i wish you the best of luck my lovelies.

   And don’t forget…it’s okay once in awhile to tell Them that you are feeling a bit unused or unwanted in whatever way you choose, be it your journal or a blog or simply during nice quiet conversation time with Them. Communication is key after all. *wink wink*

Talk to Me baby…

 

 

   Today i thought i’d actually write an informative, possibly educational blog on the importance of communication in a Master/slave relationship. So often in our relationships be they vanilla or otherwise, we lose the ability to talk to one another. For some strange reason we automatically assume that the other person knows or should know what we are thinking or feeling or how we’ll react to any given situation. When in reality, for the most part, we as individuals NEED to communicate with one another in order to create a happy, peaceful and at times exciting as well as fulfilling relationship.

   Below i am going to attempt to give a couple of examples of how the lack of communication can cause discord and destruction in our Lifestyle relationships. i hope that you are able to follow along. *chuckles*

   We’ll call this first couple the Tryers…this couple came together full of hope and promise and a desire to help and aid one another and make each other happy in the process. The Man offered the girl support and structure and guidance. He wanted nothing more than to save her from her crazy life and give her happiness. And He tried continuously to open her up and get her to talk to Him about the things going on inside of her. At the same time, even through His best intentions, He tended to talk to others, telling them the important things that He should have been telling the girl in order to set her fears at ease and give her the confidence in Ttheir relationship that would have spurred the conversation He so desperately needed from her. On the same token, the girl having been trained that a slave should only speak when spoken to or should simply be pleasing and genuine and giving to a fault and never ever ever buck the system or (once the initial likes, dislikes, desires and fears are out of the way) express upset over things, she found it exceedingly difficult to open up and to actually give Him her upset, especially if that upset was something that had to do with something that He had done to her.

   Because of that communication barrier, as well as a few other things, a relationship that once had all the potential of a new bud in bloom, soured and turned out badly for the Tryers. See? Lack of communication…

 

 

   This second group of people we’ll call the Turncoats…this couple, who had problems of their own, attempted to bring in another person to their relationship in order to guide and direct her as well as enrich their relationship and her life as well. All good quality reasons for entering into a poly relationship within the Lifestyle. However, they seemed to have missed some key points to creating a simple relationship. Communication was simply non-existent in this situation. All they did was focus on the happy happy happy, new new new of the relationship instead of spending the time feeling one another out, talking in depth about how the others were feeling or the things they needed from each other. Even specific details about each others lives were simply pushed to the back burner and ignored. The new girl was left in the dark on key points about her place in the new relationship, she was not talked to about expectations or desires or even simple things like rules. Nor was she able to speak to them about the way she was feeling, because they did not take the time as a trio to even get to know one another on a deeper level so they were unable to communicate to one another. Again…lack of communication makes another one bite the dust.

   In this lifestyle there are key things we have to adhere to all the way across the board…safe, sane and consensual first and foremost. Followed closely by…wait for it…communication! Wwe as Dominants and submissives and slaves, HAVE to talk to one another in order to make these relationships work. Otherwise, Wwe are going to either cause harm to one another, or simply be unhappy for reasons that could be fixed if one talks to the other.

   As Dominants, You have to open Yourself for communication from Your slaves and submissives. You have to let them know that they can come talk to You about ANYTHING even things that they are concerned You might not like. As long as subbie is respectful and open and truthful with their communication then the Dominant should have no problem whatsoever with the subject matter. Even if said subject matter points out to the Dominant that They have made a mistake or misstep somewhere along the way. Because let’s face it folks, no one is perfect, even the most wonderful Dominant out there. However much They might like to think otherwise. *winks*

   As submissives we need to open ourselves to truly trusting in our Dominant’s. we need to know that we can talk to Them and NEED to talk to Them because otherwise, They are predisposed as Dominant’s to carry on as They have been, or focus on Their wants and desires and needs and not always think about those of the ones They own. Not that it makes Them bad people, but simply because as Dominant personalities it is all part and parcel of the situation. They care about us and want us happy, because truthfully, who wants a mopey or sad slave. One who is unfulfilled and simply going through the motions? No one. we need to communicate our innermost thoughts and feelings in order to thrive in these relationships more than any other.

   In closing, i’ll say that i have firsthand knowledge on both sides of the communication coin and it’s something that i have learned is absolutely necessary in order for me to even begin to be a happy, fulfilled slave. So Dominants…talk to Your slaves…MAKE them talk to You if You must…and slaves…talk to Your Dominants…They are only human, not superhuman and value your input as well as needing to know how you tick.

   Sit down, grab a cup of coffee, pick up the phone, write an email, curl up in each others arms…whatever works for Yyou and open Yyourselves up to one another. i promise Yyou that Yyou’ll be happier individuals seperately and together if Yyou do.

Best wishes my friends for happy thriving relationships!

Hope Is A Fickle Friend

 

  As we grow up we are often taught that hope is one of those things we should never lose sight of. We are taught that to give up hope is the end of all. “Never give up hope” they say. They say that to lose sight of that one glimmer of hope, that last ray of sunshine puts us in our darkest and most dangerous place.

   i’m thinking that’s a bunch of malarky.

   Holding onto hope is something that drives us to the brink of insanity time and again in my humble opinion. To hold onto hope, or allow ourselves to grasp onto that hope only builds us up and up and up simply to let us crash hard and fast and far more often than not. Often without warning.

   When i was young i often thought that hope was some loving, caring entity that held us in the gentle sway of it’s embrace and kept us whole and safe. As i’ve matured i’ve come to realize though that hope is fickle, and finicky and oh so very mean.

   We strive and strive for that ultimate goal (whatever it may be) holding onto hope when everything seems against us. We pray and long and clasp that tiny string of hope to ourselves, even against our better judgement and sometimes even against the advice of our friends and loved ones. Then suddenly…that one thing we always dreamed would happen. That thing we hoped for with every fiber of our beings is stripped away from us in the blink of an eye.

   Or worse, there are times when we hope against hope. Knowing we are making complete fools out of ourselves and unable to stop the downward spiral no matter what we do, and the things we’ve hoped for…dreamed of…ached to see come to fruition slowly seep away out of our reach.

   Oh but there is hope again…off in the distance…beckoning us to come and be cuddled and comforted…trying to convince us that all is not lost and there is hope for the future. That simple allure of safety and care, a measure of peace in trouble times, drags us back in once more and fools us even though we’ve been duped hundreds of times before.

   Well today i am taking my stand. Hope is a bitch that deserves to be put down. Don’t talk to me about hope. Don’t talk to me about possibilities and maybe’s. Don’t talk to me about the might be’s or the you-never-know-what-could-happen’s. i’m done. There is no hope for me anymore. It is not something i can let pull the wool over my eyes again and survive the fallout.

   So i guess the best thing to say is that in all of that and through the entirety of the show, one simple truth remains. One sad lil fact has no place near me any longer.

   All hope is lost. That ship has sailed. No silver lining in my clouds anymore. No pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hope has abandoned me yet again.

   To those of you readers who still hold onto hope. i wish you well and i hope that she doesn’t do to you what she’s done to me and countless others over the years. you have my love and support through whatever life might throw your way.

   Until we meet again. XOXO Peace, love and hair grease.

my personal scarlet letter

 

 

By now most of Yyou  know of my recent personal shame. Most of Yyou know the wretched details of the recent happenings in my life. So i will not go into detail. Firstly, to reserve a measure of my own dignity and secondly, for the others involved, because it is not Their sin to bear.

Over the last couple of weeks, i have done a looooooot of soul searching and a lot of deep thinking. And in that time i have come to terms with a few things. They are as follows…

 

1. Blackmailing someone into submission is not Dominance, but Domineering. (Two very different things)

2. Life rarely turns out the way Wwe expect it to.

3. Sometimes people are just NOT meant to be together.

4. Trying doesn’t always make things better.

5. What some perceive as shame or an act of disloyalty is in truth quite the opposite.

6. And some things are MEANT to happen for other things to take place.

 

So when i stated the words “shame” above…i was not completely accurate. Am i proud of what i have done? No. Do i enjoy hurting people? Absolutely not. Did i set out to make such a mess of things on that fateful night? Not on your life.

There is one that has tried relentlessly to force me to be ashamed and has tried to force me into a role that i am not sure i fit into it anymore. Oh the things i have been called…the slanderous things that have been said about my character…the horrendous threats that have been slung at me at every turn.

It is hard to see past the mud-slinging and the name calling and the threats. However, there are a few things i’ve come to accept.

 

1. i deserve better.

2. i deserve more.

3. i will not submit to someone who refuses to give me any sort of Dominance, but thinks He can blackmail me into staying with him.

4. my give a damn is nearly smashed to smithereens.

 

i never intended for life to end up this way. i never wanted to hurt anyone. i do not know what the future holds. i am simply getting through the days as best i can with my soul intact and my children held in the safety and security of my loving embrace.

Some might see the way i am choosing to handle things as indecision, or backing down or simply giving in. And that is Ttheir right to have Ttheir own opinion. To Tthose people i simply say that i am sorry Tthey feel that way and if Tthey care to stick around Tthey will see the outcome of my messed up life when i do.

To the one who has been wronged…my deepest apologies go out to you and i am sorry for ever hurting you. i hope that one day you will understand and accept that for the truth it is. i also hope that you can find a way to accept and work with me for the future.

Be well my lovelies…until Wwe meet again. *kiss kiss*

Texts from Last Night Installment Two

 

 

Well decided that it was time to add in another installment of everyone's favorite website...Texts from Last night. i've added on a few lil notes of my own or opinions if Yyou will, so i hope Yyou enjoy them as much as i did. *grins*

For some reason this one hit home with me right now and also made me laugh. Poor girl. -- "He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning."

Now this is an innovative chicky! LOL -- "This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabilities. Time slots begin at noon."

Clever clever lass! -- "She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was..."

So very very true!!! LOL -- "just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people."

i hope i'm this cool when Ronan is an adult. lol -- "Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma."

Why does this remind me of a conversation that hetaera and i could SO have? ROFL! -- "First Girl: she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
Second Girl: because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking."

Gotta love an enlightened man. lol -- "So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town."

Hahaha! Happy birthday indeed! -- "i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does."

Happy Halloween. *winks* -- "Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween."

Strange strange conversations people have. -- "First guy: I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
Second guy: please elaborate on, "at least one ear"

For luvvy -- "Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave."

For Mahalalel -- "I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee!"

*snickers* Amen sister! -- "I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name."

Now this is forward thinking. LOL -- "if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning."

i would SO be this person. LOL -- "Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night."

Simply precious -- "They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods."

This just made me laugh. -- "The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8rZWw9HE7o

Just a small sampling of some crazy nights people have had apparently throughout the country. *chuckles* Made me chuckle and i hope it did the same for Yyou. *grins*

For The Ones Who Matter Most

 

  

Sometimes in our lives we come across people that blindside us with the impact they have on the people we are deep down inside. They can seem to breach every wall we have ever created to keep ourselves safe. They are capable of wrapping us up in their arms even from hundreds of miles away. They give us all the love and devotion that we’ve always longed for. Even across those miles they seem to be able to make us feel so incredibly amazing simply by being there, by including us in their lives and truly seeming to enjoy spending time with us.

   i have been blessed to come across a few different types of these people throughout my life. Lately i’ve come across 2 in particular. Luckily these people have opened their hearts and their lives to me and have decided that i am worth the time and energy it takes to breach those nearly insurmountable walls that surround my being in order to keep me safe through the years.

   i refuse to expose those people here. It’s not the place nor is it anyone’s business just how much they’ve come to mean to me. However, i feel the need to express the way they make me feel.

   To feel such highs and lows. To know such excitement and despair. To smile when i see them. Simply smile. Purely happy to have the opportunity to be in their presence again for however long the time is allowed. To know that i can go to them and know that they will take me into their arms, or offer me a shoulder to cry on, a wall to rage at, a friend to laugh with. Incessant laughing. Excitement untold.

   i swear to you that these people are some of the most phenomenal beings that God ever saw fit to create. i feel well and truly blessed to have come into contact with them and to have had the opportunity to share my life with them. Because you see, they make me better. The me inside. They make me happier and give me a measure of peace the likes of which i have not had in a great while. The road has been a bumpy one in our friendship. And i doubt that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. After all, a course that is too smooth is generally a boring existence for sure. *winks*

   So to these lovely people…you mean the world to me and i am grateful for every moment i get to spend with you. You’ve made my life a happier place simply by being you. Quite simply, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. There is a special place inside of me with your names on them. And i will always and forever adore you.

Straight From The Heart

 

  

A lot of things have been happening lately, a lot of big issues have come and gone and come again and there has been a lot of distress in my lil family of friends online. i hope with everything inside of me that all of the problems can be resolved and that everyone can come back together at one point and we can get back to being ourselves with one another and showing each other how much we mean to one another.

   Since all of these things have happened recently, there is a song that has been floating through my head continuously. So i figured i would share the words here with those that matter most.

   “Someday, when you look back on all the times we’ve shared, I hope you discover how much I really do care.

   And with a smile, we’ll see through all this pain. The word goodbye is so hard to say.

   But remember if you need me I’ll be here for you always.

   Just take my hand before we must part. Let’s sing this song, straight from the heart.

   We’ll find the strength to help us be strong. Just remember all our love. Straight from the heart.”

   Just a snippet from the song. It was a song i sang my Senior year of high school so it is not super fresh in my mind. *chuckles* But those words were always important to me and so therefore i remembered them all these years later.

   i adore you, my sweet, dysfunctional friends. Yyou’ve become family that i could choose for my own. i hope that whatever happens and whatever the outcome Yyou remember the words of the song and that Yyou understand that i mean them from the bottom of my heart.