365 Reasons to be Hopeful

 

   Awhile ago i wrote a blog about having lost hope. Quite a bit has happened since i wrote that blog. Many changes have been made, and i am, for the first time in a long long while, actually able to see some hope in my future. Something to hold onto. Something worth fighting for.

   So today i sit and take a big deep breath, square my shoulders and dig deep for a smile as i look ahead into the year before me.

   They say that positive thinking brings about positive results. Perhaps it is time to put that to the test.

   So, i look at the next three hundred and sixty five days with a sense of renewed hope. Tentative as a new sprout as it peeks it’s head through the soil in the Spring, i look around the corner of 2010 into 2011. Doing everything in my power to ignore the trepidation and worry that beats on my shoulders with every breath i take. Grabbing ahold of hope, clenching it tightly with trembling hands and praying that this time it will be different. This time everything will be all that i have dreamed it would be.

   Happy New Year my friends and family. i love each of Yyou in special and real ways. i do not know what i would do without Yyou in my life. All Wwho know me and read this blog regularly, know that i am a huge sap, so i’ll try to keep the stickiness to a minimum and leave it at that. *winks*

   Here’s to hope in the new year!

The Personality Test

 

I took a personality test tonight just to see what the results would be and truly they are fairly accurate I think. Judge for Yyourselves. *winks*

ESFJ - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Guardians of birthdays, holidays and celebrations, ESFJs are generous entertainers. They enjoy and joyfully observe traditions and are liberal in giving, especially where custom prescribes.

All else being equal, ESFJs enjoy being in charge. They see problems clearly and delegate easily, work hard and play with zest. ESFJs, as do most SJs, bear strong allegiance to rights of seniority. They willingly provide service (which embodies life's meaning) and expect the same from others.

ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature "wear their hearts on their sleeves," often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls. Some ESFJs channel these vibrant emotions into moving dramatic performances on stage and screen.

Strong, contradictory forces consume the ESFJ. Their sense of right and wrong wrestles with an overwhelming rescuing, 'mothering' drive. This sometimes results in swift, immediate action taken upon a transgressor, followed by stern reprimand; ultimately, however, the prodigal is wrested from the gallows of their folly, just as the noose tightens and all hope is lost, by the very executioner!

An ESFJ at odds with self is a remarkable sight. When a decision must be made, especially one involving the risk of conflict (abhorrent to ESFJs), there ensues an in-house wrestling match between the aforementioned black-and-white Values and the Nemesis of Discord. The contender pits self against self, once firmly deciding with the Right, then switching to Prudence to forestall hostilities, countered by unswerving Values, ad exhaustium, winner take all.

As caretakers, ESFJs sense danger all around--germs within, the elements without, unscrupulous malefactors, insidious character flaws. The world is a dangerous place, not to be trusted. Not that the ESFJ is paranoid; 'hyper-vigilant' would be more precise. And thus they serve excellently as protectors, outstanding in fields such as medical care and elementary education.

Functional Analysis:

Extraverted Feeling

ESFJs live in their Extraverted Feeling functioning. Feeling, a rational (i.e., deciding) function, expresses opinions easily in the E world of objects and people. ESFJs have the ability to express warmth, rage, and a range of other emotions. Actions are encouraged or rebuked based on how they affect other people, especially people near and dear to the ESFJ. This type's vocal decisiveness predisposes many of its number to facility with administration and supervision.

Introverted Sensing

The secondary Sensing function aids and abets the dominant Fe in that sensate data is collected and at once compared with the inner forms or standards. Data on which decisions are made are thus focused and given a contrast which tends to be stronger and clearer than the original stimuli. The strengthening effect of Si on Fe may be responsible for this type's reputation for wearing their "hearts on their sleeves." At any rate, ESFJs reflect the "black and white" view of reality which is common to the SJ types.

Extraverted iNtuition

Intuition is tertiary--as the ESFJ matures, and as situations arise which call for suspension of criticism, Ne is allowed to play. Under the leadership of the Fe function, iNtuition allows for a loosening of the more rigid Si rights and wrongs; teasing and slapstick humor emerge. ESFJs are also capable of discerning patterns and philosophies, but such perceiving is subject to the weakness of the tertiary position, and the results often lack the variety and complexity of connections that more complex systems require.

Introverted Thinking

The inferior Ti function may rarely be expressed. In fact, ESFJs may take affront at the aloof, detached nature of dominant Ti types, or conversely, be drawn to them. Some ESFJs construct rationale which have the appearance of (Jungian) Thinking logic, but under scrutiny are in fact command performances of "Thinking in the service of Feeling," (i.e., Thinking-like conclusions which do not obey the tenets of impersonal logic; they rather construct scenarios from only those "hard, cold facts" which support the conclusion reached by the dominant Extraverted Feeling function. To wit:

You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat
with knitting needles.
-- Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food

The 12 Days of Christmas Lifestyle Version

On the first day of Christmas my true One gave to me...a bright red & green locking cage.

On the second day of Christmas my true One gave to me...two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the third day of Christmas my true One gave to me...three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true One gave to me...four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true One gave to me...fiiiiive spiked cock riiiiings, four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true One gave to me...six vibes a vibing, fiiiiiiiiiiive spiked cock riiiiiiiiings, four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true One gave to me...seven slaves a serving, six vibes a vibing, fiiiiiiive spiked cock riiiiiiiings, four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

One the eighth day of Christmas my true One gave to me...eight subs a weeping, seven slaves a serving, six vibes a vibing, fiiiiiiiiiiiive spiked cock riiiiiings, four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & bright red & green locking cage.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true One gave to me...nine pussy's purring, eight subs a weeping, seven slaves a serving, six vibes a vibing, fiiiiiiiiiiive spiked cock riiiiiiiings, four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true One gave to me...ten cocks a stirring, eight subs a weeping, seven slaves a serving, six vibes a vibing, fiiiiiiiive spiked cock riiiiiiiiings, four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true One gave to me...eleven floggers flogging, ten cocks a stirring, nine pussy's purring, eight subs a weeping, seven slaves a serving, six vibes a vibing, fiiiiiiiiiiive spiked cock riiiiiiiings, four bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & bouncing & a bright red & green locking cage.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true One gave to me...twelve Domme's Domming, eleven floggers flogging, ten cocks a stirring, nine pussy's purring, eight subs a weeiping, seven slaves a serving, six vibes a vibing, fiiiiiiiive spiked cock riiiiiiiings, four  bruises throbbing, three French whores, two tits bouncing & a bright red & and green locking caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage!

A True Sense of Thanksgiving

 

   This time of year is a good time for reflecting back on the year that we've had. As i look back on 2010 the mind spins remembering so many things that happened this year. A roller coaster of emotions to be sure.

   For me, 2010 was a year that introduced 2 very very special people into my life. As well as bringing me closer than i ever imagined to still another. It has given me new friends, new enemies. It has turned out to be both fantastic and tragic both.

   i am thankful for so many things...i think it is easier to try to lay them out in a cohesive format as opposed to trying to jumble them altogether.

1. i am thankful for the health and well-being of my beautiful children.
2. i am thankful for the freedom of living in my own apartment again even if dinner is pb&j some nights. *winks*
3. i am thankful for my wonderful Master, Who has come to mean more to me every day that i'm His & Who luckily decided i was worth a second chance.
4. i am thankful for my sweet chain sister...without her i wouldn't stay sane some days. Love you sis.
5. i am thankful for my very dear friend Hetaera, who never holds anything back, and who loves with the fullest heart i've ever seen. You have been a light in my darkest times ladybug, i'd surely be lost without You.
6. i am thankful for all of my wonderful, bizarre, zany, hilarious & genuine friends. Yyou mean the world to me. Truly Yyou do.
7. i am thankful that not all decisions are set in stone and Wwe are free to change Oour minds.
8. i am thankful for forgiveness and the ability to forgive.
9. i am thankful for my romantic heart.
10. i am thankful for what little patience God bestowed upon me when He created me. For without it, i would be in a heap load of trouble. *grins*

   Just a few things to be thankful for. i won't drone on incessantly about the rest. i hope that this holiday season, those of Yyou Wwho read my blog from time to time will sit down and think back on Yyour lives & realize how very much Wwe Aall have to be thankful for.

   Blessed be my Ffriends and loved Oones. May Yyour Thanksgiving be filled with sweetness & light and prepare Yyou for the Christmas to come. *winks*

my wish for Yyou…

 

  

   i have contemplated over the last while what i wanted to blog about. Many of the topics i came up with were either petty, or too obtuse or too personal on a one on one level.  So, i was sitting here today, listening to some music, and i realized that there is one song that can sum up at least part of what i want to say to those in my life that mean the most to me. To those that have in the past or do to this day touch my heart and my life every single day simply being being in it.

   So this is for Yyou…Master, tauryn, Hetaera, Mahalalel, courtesan, noxie, kittenz, Felix, Stone & bliss…From my heart to Yyours, i hope that it means as much to Yyou as it does to me when i hear it and think of Yyou.

 

I hope the days come easy & the moments pass slow, & each road leads Yyou where Yyou want to go.

And if Yyour faced with the choice & Yyou have to choose I hope Yyou choose the one that means the most to Yyou.

And if one door opens to another door closed, I hope Yyou keep on walkin’ til Yyou find the window.

If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile. But more than anything, more than anything…

my wish for Yyou is that this life becomes all that Yyou want it to. Yyour dreams stay big, Yyour worries stay small. Yyou never need to carry more than Yyou can hold.

And while Yyou’re out there gettin’ where Yyour gettin’ to, I hope Yyou know somebody loves Yyou & wants the same things too.

Yeah this is my wish.

I hope Yyou never look back but Yyou never forget all the ones who love Yyou and the place Yyou left.

I hope Yyou always forgive and Yyou never regret & Yyou help somebody every chance Yyou get.

Oh, Yyou’d find God’s grace in every mistake & always give more than Yyou take. But more than anything, more than anything…

my wish for Yyou is that this life becomes all that Yyou want it to. Yyour dreams stay big, Yyour worries stay small. Yyou never need to carry more than Yyou can hold.

And while Yyou’re out there gettin’ where Yyour gettin’ to, I hope Yyou know somebody loves Yyou & wants the same things too.

Yeah this is my wish.

   i love Yyou Aall in very real and different as well as special ways. Blessings to Yyou always. Yyou will forever be in my heart.

Beware of who Yyou Trust

 

   my friends, enemies, and the ever growing list of frenemies…i am afraid i have some bad news for Yyou. Among Yyou resides a traitor…the worst sort of vermin that Yyou could ever hope to be associated with. They call themselves real…a true friend…always giving you advice and being there when you need a shoulder to cry on…constantly right there waiting for you if you need help in any shape or form. They lull you into a false sense of companionship and soothe you with kind words when you are down. While all the time they are plotting behind your back.

   i am here to warn Yyou of this wretched creature, for they don’t even deserve to be called a human being. This individual will remain nameless in my blog, but they know who they are and as they read the words about them they cannot help but recognize themselves herein.

   This person pretends to love you and care for you as a real and genuine confidant, when in fact they are doing everything in their power to bring you down. They constantly spin tales about you and those you hold dear. They act like they are really your friend when in all actuality they are spreading lies and taking any and everything you might say and twisting it to meet their own needs.

   On top of that, they fabricate stories. Continuously telling falsehoods about you that make people judge your character and think you a fraud and a fake. When in all truth, the fake and the fraud, the one that should be stamped with a large T in the middle of their forehead is them. Not you. For you are not the fake or the traitor, but them. Down to the marrow of their bones.

   You take your time and you spend your precious energy on their problems. You offer them kindness and friendship. Holding their hand when they weep, tending to the bruises that life seems to heap upon this individual and all the while they are stabbing you in the back.

   i have tried to figure out why this person would do such a thing. Especially to someone they claim is SUCH a good friend, and the only thing i can come up with is that their life is so wretchedly disappointing and sad that they can do nothing but breed discord and distrust in others wherever they go. i have contemplated why this person has so few friends and i believe it is because of this behavior. That people throughout time have been used and hurt and beaten down by this cretin and can take it no longer and so extricate themselves from their sordid affairs.

   When i think that i actually felt bad for this “friend”, that i actually cried with them over their heartbreaks and tragedies…when i remember the things i shared with this evil little person…it sickens me. It truly does.

   i suppose we all have to learn from the mistakes in judgement that we make and move on to live and fight another day. So to that person, i say this…be off, be gone, i’m done with you. you’ve no place in my life any longer. you don’t deserve to breathe the air that i breathe. Keep my name out of your mouth because we are through.

   To the rest of Yyou i hope that Yyou are careful and i hope that Yyou don’t ever make contact with this imbecile because Yyou will sorely regret it if Yyou do. Be well Aall.

Real Life vs. Real Slavery

  So i’ve been sitting around here the past couple of days and have heard and seen and experienced some things that have been a wee bit unsettling as well as illuminating. i thought i’d write about one of them here tonight.

   As slaves, we are faced with absolutes every day. we are expected to be pleasing and giving and loving to our Dominants first and foremost. If we do not do those things there are consequences for our actions. we are expected to adhere to the rules and guidelines set out for us at all cost. And we do so happily.

   Sometimes our Dominants ask things of us that are difficult or uncomfortable, sometimes nearly impossible. Those are the times when we are pushed, and the molding of our slavery comes into play. A true slave feels a certain type of thrill at being pushed and guided into uncharted territory by a Dominant she trusts.

   we sit, poised and ready for the next opportunity to show our devotion to our Master or Mistress by complying without question to whatever mandate They set before us. we wait and we bide our time being as pleasing as possible in hopes that They will take the time to push the envelope a wee bit more.

   Sometimes it happens out of the blue. you are sitting having a pleasant conversation with Them and out of nowhere you are given instructions for something that catches you completely off guard and is outside of your comfort zone. Though you are frightened you are also exhilarated at the prospect to be able to serve in such a manner and please Them to the best of your ability. your mind frantically casts about trying to figure out the technicalities of making the request come to fruition.

   If you have a quality Dominant as your Owner…He or She will comfort and gently nudge, not backing off of Their original request, but letting you know that you are loved and cared for and never alone as you set about attempting to fulfill these desires. If you have a Dominant Who does those things you are one lucky little slave indeed.

   There are of course things that get in the way of our best attempts to be a good slave for our Dominants. Real life hampers things sometimes. Of course there are ways around most situations if people are creative and think before just giving up and forgetting the original desire simply because there seem to be obstacles in the way.

   It can become a bit tedious and tiring for the Dominant i am sure having to work around busy schedules or children or illness, but if They are true and the slave is true, i believe Tthey can persevere. You, as Dominants, only need to put on Your thinking caps and find new and different ways to push the envelope. You could even pose a question to Your slave to ask them if they know of a way that they can make something happen that You wish to happen if You are coming up blank. Two minds are better than one after all.

   So slaves…try to keep your chin up. Try to remember that your Master or Mistress is human and has stuff going on in Their lives as much as you have going on in yours. i know the ache to be of use and to FEEL like a slave in your heart is sometimes an overwhelming fire burning in the pit of your stomach. Just take a deep breath and pray that your Dominant sees the fire in your eyes and acts on it. i wish you the best of luck my lovelies.

   And don’t forget…it’s okay once in awhile to tell Them that you are feeling a bit unused or unwanted in whatever way you choose, be it your journal or a blog or simply during nice quiet conversation time with Them. Communication is key after all. *wink wink*

Talk to Me baby…

 

 

   Today i thought i’d actually write an informative, possibly educational blog on the importance of communication in a Master/slave relationship. So often in our relationships be they vanilla or otherwise, we lose the ability to talk to one another. For some strange reason we automatically assume that the other person knows or should know what we are thinking or feeling or how we’ll react to any given situation. When in reality, for the most part, we as individuals NEED to communicate with one another in order to create a happy, peaceful and at times exciting as well as fulfilling relationship.

   Below i am going to attempt to give a couple of examples of how the lack of communication can cause discord and destruction in our Lifestyle relationships. i hope that you are able to follow along. *chuckles*

   We’ll call this first couple the Tryers…this couple came together full of hope and promise and a desire to help and aid one another and make each other happy in the process. The Man offered the girl support and structure and guidance. He wanted nothing more than to save her from her crazy life and give her happiness. And He tried continuously to open her up and get her to talk to Him about the things going on inside of her. At the same time, even through His best intentions, He tended to talk to others, telling them the important things that He should have been telling the girl in order to set her fears at ease and give her the confidence in Ttheir relationship that would have spurred the conversation He so desperately needed from her. On the same token, the girl having been trained that a slave should only speak when spoken to or should simply be pleasing and genuine and giving to a fault and never ever ever buck the system or (once the initial likes, dislikes, desires and fears are out of the way) express upset over things, she found it exceedingly difficult to open up and to actually give Him her upset, especially if that upset was something that had to do with something that He had done to her.

   Because of that communication barrier, as well as a few other things, a relationship that once had all the potential of a new bud in bloom, soured and turned out badly for the Tryers. See? Lack of communication…

 

 

   This second group of people we’ll call the Turncoats…this couple, who had problems of their own, attempted to bring in another person to their relationship in order to guide and direct her as well as enrich their relationship and her life as well. All good quality reasons for entering into a poly relationship within the Lifestyle. However, they seemed to have missed some key points to creating a simple relationship. Communication was simply non-existent in this situation. All they did was focus on the happy happy happy, new new new of the relationship instead of spending the time feeling one another out, talking in depth about how the others were feeling or the things they needed from each other. Even specific details about each others lives were simply pushed to the back burner and ignored. The new girl was left in the dark on key points about her place in the new relationship, she was not talked to about expectations or desires or even simple things like rules. Nor was she able to speak to them about the way she was feeling, because they did not take the time as a trio to even get to know one another on a deeper level so they were unable to communicate to one another. Again…lack of communication makes another one bite the dust.

   In this lifestyle there are key things we have to adhere to all the way across the board…safe, sane and consensual first and foremost. Followed closely by…wait for it…communication! Wwe as Dominants and submissives and slaves, HAVE to talk to one another in order to make these relationships work. Otherwise, Wwe are going to either cause harm to one another, or simply be unhappy for reasons that could be fixed if one talks to the other.

   As Dominants, You have to open Yourself for communication from Your slaves and submissives. You have to let them know that they can come talk to You about ANYTHING even things that they are concerned You might not like. As long as subbie is respectful and open and truthful with their communication then the Dominant should have no problem whatsoever with the subject matter. Even if said subject matter points out to the Dominant that They have made a mistake or misstep somewhere along the way. Because let’s face it folks, no one is perfect, even the most wonderful Dominant out there. However much They might like to think otherwise. *winks*

   As submissives we need to open ourselves to truly trusting in our Dominant’s. we need to know that we can talk to Them and NEED to talk to Them because otherwise, They are predisposed as Dominant’s to carry on as They have been, or focus on Their wants and desires and needs and not always think about those of the ones They own. Not that it makes Them bad people, but simply because as Dominant personalities it is all part and parcel of the situation. They care about us and want us happy, because truthfully, who wants a mopey or sad slave. One who is unfulfilled and simply going through the motions? No one. we need to communicate our innermost thoughts and feelings in order to thrive in these relationships more than any other.

   In closing, i’ll say that i have firsthand knowledge on both sides of the communication coin and it’s something that i have learned is absolutely necessary in order for me to even begin to be a happy, fulfilled slave. So Dominants…talk to Your slaves…MAKE them talk to You if You must…and slaves…talk to Your Dominants…They are only human, not superhuman and value your input as well as needing to know how you tick.

   Sit down, grab a cup of coffee, pick up the phone, write an email, curl up in each others arms…whatever works for Yyou and open Yyourselves up to one another. i promise Yyou that Yyou’ll be happier individuals seperately and together if Yyou do.

Best wishes my friends for happy thriving relationships!

Hope Is A Fickle Friend

 

  As we grow up we are often taught that hope is one of those things we should never lose sight of. We are taught that to give up hope is the end of all. “Never give up hope” they say. They say that to lose sight of that one glimmer of hope, that last ray of sunshine puts us in our darkest and most dangerous place.

   i’m thinking that’s a bunch of malarky.

   Holding onto hope is something that drives us to the brink of insanity time and again in my humble opinion. To hold onto hope, or allow ourselves to grasp onto that hope only builds us up and up and up simply to let us crash hard and fast and far more often than not. Often without warning.

   When i was young i often thought that hope was some loving, caring entity that held us in the gentle sway of it’s embrace and kept us whole and safe. As i’ve matured i’ve come to realize though that hope is fickle, and finicky and oh so very mean.

   We strive and strive for that ultimate goal (whatever it may be) holding onto hope when everything seems against us. We pray and long and clasp that tiny string of hope to ourselves, even against our better judgement and sometimes even against the advice of our friends and loved ones. Then suddenly…that one thing we always dreamed would happen. That thing we hoped for with every fiber of our beings is stripped away from us in the blink of an eye.

   Or worse, there are times when we hope against hope. Knowing we are making complete fools out of ourselves and unable to stop the downward spiral no matter what we do, and the things we’ve hoped for…dreamed of…ached to see come to fruition slowly seep away out of our reach.

   Oh but there is hope again…off in the distance…beckoning us to come and be cuddled and comforted…trying to convince us that all is not lost and there is hope for the future. That simple allure of safety and care, a measure of peace in trouble times, drags us back in once more and fools us even though we’ve been duped hundreds of times before.

   Well today i am taking my stand. Hope is a bitch that deserves to be put down. Don’t talk to me about hope. Don’t talk to me about possibilities and maybe’s. Don’t talk to me about the might be’s or the you-never-know-what-could-happen’s. i’m done. There is no hope for me anymore. It is not something i can let pull the wool over my eyes again and survive the fallout.

   So i guess the best thing to say is that in all of that and through the entirety of the show, one simple truth remains. One sad lil fact has no place near me any longer.

   All hope is lost. That ship has sailed. No silver lining in my clouds anymore. No pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hope has abandoned me yet again.

   To those of you readers who still hold onto hope. i wish you well and i hope that she doesn’t do to you what she’s done to me and countless others over the years. you have my love and support through whatever life might throw your way.

   Until we meet again. XOXO Peace, love and hair grease.

my personal scarlet letter

 

 

By now most of Yyou  know of my recent personal shame. Most of Yyou know the wretched details of the recent happenings in my life. So i will not go into detail. Firstly, to reserve a measure of my own dignity and secondly, for the others involved, because it is not Their sin to bear.

Over the last couple of weeks, i have done a looooooot of soul searching and a lot of deep thinking. And in that time i have come to terms with a few things. They are as follows…

 

1. Blackmailing someone into submission is not Dominance, but Domineering. (Two very different things)

2. Life rarely turns out the way Wwe expect it to.

3. Sometimes people are just NOT meant to be together.

4. Trying doesn’t always make things better.

5. What some perceive as shame or an act of disloyalty is in truth quite the opposite.

6. And some things are MEANT to happen for other things to take place.

 

So when i stated the words “shame” above…i was not completely accurate. Am i proud of what i have done? No. Do i enjoy hurting people? Absolutely not. Did i set out to make such a mess of things on that fateful night? Not on your life.

There is one that has tried relentlessly to force me to be ashamed and has tried to force me into a role that i am not sure i fit into it anymore. Oh the things i have been called…the slanderous things that have been said about my character…the horrendous threats that have been slung at me at every turn.

It is hard to see past the mud-slinging and the name calling and the threats. However, there are a few things i’ve come to accept.

 

1. i deserve better.

2. i deserve more.

3. i will not submit to someone who refuses to give me any sort of Dominance, but thinks He can blackmail me into staying with him.

4. my give a damn is nearly smashed to smithereens.

 

i never intended for life to end up this way. i never wanted to hurt anyone. i do not know what the future holds. i am simply getting through the days as best i can with my soul intact and my children held in the safety and security of my loving embrace.

Some might see the way i am choosing to handle things as indecision, or backing down or simply giving in. And that is Ttheir right to have Ttheir own opinion. To Tthose people i simply say that i am sorry Tthey feel that way and if Tthey care to stick around Tthey will see the outcome of my messed up life when i do.

To the one who has been wronged…my deepest apologies go out to you and i am sorry for ever hurting you. i hope that one day you will understand and accept that for the truth it is. i also hope that you can find a way to accept and work with me for the future.

Be well my lovelies…until Wwe meet again. *kiss kiss*

Texts from Last Night Installment Two

 

 

Well decided that it was time to add in another installment of everyone's favorite website...Texts from Last night. i've added on a few lil notes of my own or opinions if Yyou will, so i hope Yyou enjoy them as much as i did. *grins*

For some reason this one hit home with me right now and also made me laugh. Poor girl. -- "He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning."

Now this is an innovative chicky! LOL -- "This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabilities. Time slots begin at noon."

Clever clever lass! -- "She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was..."

So very very true!!! LOL -- "just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people."

i hope i'm this cool when Ronan is an adult. lol -- "Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma."

Why does this remind me of a conversation that hetaera and i could SO have? ROFL! -- "First Girl: she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
Second Girl: because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking."

Gotta love an enlightened man. lol -- "So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town."

Hahaha! Happy birthday indeed! -- "i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does."

Happy Halloween. *winks* -- "Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween."

Strange strange conversations people have. -- "First guy: I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
Second guy: please elaborate on, "at least one ear"

For luvvy -- "Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave."

For Mahalalel -- "I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee!"

*snickers* Amen sister! -- "I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name."

Now this is forward thinking. LOL -- "if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning."

i would SO be this person. LOL -- "Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night."

Simply precious -- "They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods."

This just made me laugh. -- "The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8rZWw9HE7o

Just a small sampling of some crazy nights people have had apparently throughout the country. *chuckles* Made me chuckle and i hope it did the same for Yyou. *grins*

For The Ones Who Matter Most

 

  

Sometimes in our lives we come across people that blindside us with the impact they have on the people we are deep down inside. They can seem to breach every wall we have ever created to keep ourselves safe. They are capable of wrapping us up in their arms even from hundreds of miles away. They give us all the love and devotion that we’ve always longed for. Even across those miles they seem to be able to make us feel so incredibly amazing simply by being there, by including us in their lives and truly seeming to enjoy spending time with us.

   i have been blessed to come across a few different types of these people throughout my life. Lately i’ve come across 2 in particular. Luckily these people have opened their hearts and their lives to me and have decided that i am worth the time and energy it takes to breach those nearly insurmountable walls that surround my being in order to keep me safe through the years.

   i refuse to expose those people here. It’s not the place nor is it anyone’s business just how much they’ve come to mean to me. However, i feel the need to express the way they make me feel.

   To feel such highs and lows. To know such excitement and despair. To smile when i see them. Simply smile. Purely happy to have the opportunity to be in their presence again for however long the time is allowed. To know that i can go to them and know that they will take me into their arms, or offer me a shoulder to cry on, a wall to rage at, a friend to laugh with. Incessant laughing. Excitement untold.

   i swear to you that these people are some of the most phenomenal beings that God ever saw fit to create. i feel well and truly blessed to have come into contact with them and to have had the opportunity to share my life with them. Because you see, they make me better. The me inside. They make me happier and give me a measure of peace the likes of which i have not had in a great while. The road has been a bumpy one in our friendship. And i doubt that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. After all, a course that is too smooth is generally a boring existence for sure. *winks*

   So to these lovely people…you mean the world to me and i am grateful for every moment i get to spend with you. You’ve made my life a happier place simply by being you. Quite simply, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. There is a special place inside of me with your names on them. And i will always and forever adore you.

Straight From The Heart

 

  

A lot of things have been happening lately, a lot of big issues have come and gone and come again and there has been a lot of distress in my lil family of friends online. i hope with everything inside of me that all of the problems can be resolved and that everyone can come back together at one point and we can get back to being ourselves with one another and showing each other how much we mean to one another.

   Since all of these things have happened recently, there is a song that has been floating through my head continuously. So i figured i would share the words here with those that matter most.

   “Someday, when you look back on all the times we’ve shared, I hope you discover how much I really do care.

   And with a smile, we’ll see through all this pain. The word goodbye is so hard to say.

   But remember if you need me I’ll be here for you always.

   Just take my hand before we must part. Let’s sing this song, straight from the heart.

   We’ll find the strength to help us be strong. Just remember all our love. Straight from the heart.”

   Just a snippet from the song. It was a song i sang my Senior year of high school so it is not super fresh in my mind. *chuckles* But those words were always important to me and so therefore i remembered them all these years later.

   i adore you, my sweet, dysfunctional friends. Yyou’ve become family that i could choose for my own. i hope that whatever happens and whatever the outcome Yyou remember the words of the song and that Yyou understand that i mean them from the bottom of my heart.

Where Were You…

 

   That time of year is coming up again i’m afraid. That fateful September day that most of the world will never forget, myself included. i’ve decided to recount that day here. Writing it down for posterities sake i suppose and to just give all a glimpse of what my life was like during that tragic time in history.

   i remember being at my friend Kathy’s house the night before. i often stayed the night with her and just hung out and what not to be brought home the next day. i stayed up all night that night and ended up being taken home by her husband on his way to work the next morning. 

   i walked into the house and my Mother was awake at like 9 am. Something that NEVER happens. So i paused in the bedroom door and she was on the phone. Confused i sort of gave her a look like “What are you doing?” and she pointed to the tv with a look of horror on her face. i turned and looked over my shoulder behind me just as the second tower was hit by the plane.

   With wide eyes i watched for a time, complete baffled by what i had seen. i had no clue what was going on and soon went into the living room and turned on the tv there. Still having had no sleep i watched for a bit. Completely aghast at the situation. The apparent tragedy that had befallen our nation. Those poor people in the towers and their families. So very many families broken and forever changed because of this act.

   i remember calling my friend Ronnetta cause i knew she’d be awake and at work that early in the morning and talking to her for a bit. i remember saying it was like Independence Day (the movie) without the aliens. Just so out there and outrageous that it was baffling.

   After a time exhaustion got the better of me. my Mother had left to go do something at the church and my father was still working as a custodian for a local elementary school then. So i crashed out on the couch. Until the phone rang…

   It was 1:16 pm in the afternoon when i answered the call from my Aunt Cathie. She was rather upset and immediately i went on high alert. She proceeded to tearfully explain to me that my Grandma Ruby had passed away an hour or so before and would i please inform my parents.

   i was shocked. Not in the way you might think because my Grandma was ill with pancreatic cancer and her liver was shutting down. Just shell-shocked i suppose. A bit numb. So i called my Mom and got ahold of her having to tell her that her Mother had passed away. i was still calm and held it together beautifully. She had to get off the phone and call others and my cousin Jenny had been at the church to tell her as well because Jenny worked in the town where the church was and was close by.

   It was not until i called my Father. For some reason as i told him what happened i simply broke down. Maybe it is because as much as we argued when i hit teenage years i was always Daddy’s Little Girl and just hearing him in that dreadful moment broke the seal on my emotions.

   i then remember having to call my sister (who was an absolute basketcase and has never been all that stable emotionally) and then had to walk up the street and tell my brother because he had no phone.

   Most of the time after that is disjointed. i remember watching some of the news specials about the Towers and what not. i remember going to Subway with my parents for dinner on the way to my Aunt and Uncle’s house. i remember coming home and just sort of getting through the evening. i remember being outside on my front porch and my ex-sister-in-law coming over to offer her condolences.

   i remember my cousin Jenny coming by that night. And i remember leaving with her. i remember going and riding down back roads and just sort of letting it all sink in. Doing what we always did on back roads. *chuckles* We smoked a bowl. (weed for those of you who might not know) and i remember there being a car behind us a one point. i had my hand out the window with the bowl in it because it was really hot and there was a car behind us for a long time. we came up to a stop sign and there was a lil off rampy thing to the right that the car behind us took, and it ended up being a State Patrol car. LOL

   i tell you this last lil bit because my cousin Jenny said “That was Grandma Ruby watchin out for us.” *chuckles* Oh the memories.

   At any rate, as awful as i know September 11th was for the nation, and as much as i grieve for those people and those families. September 11th for me was overshadowed by the loss of a woman who always had fried bacon on her kitchen table whatever the time of day. Who gave us little baggies with candy and 5 dollars in it every Halloween. By the passing of a woman who was surly and rotten sometimes for no real reason, but loving and giving and loads of fun with her beehive hairdo and her big brownish gold Buick (which she drove with no license her whole life). For me it was combined with the passing of a woman who hosted Christmas every year on Christmas eve and had so many presents 5 ft deep around the tree for the family she adored. A woman i loved more than i can ever tell you. i love you Grandma Ruby and i wish with all that i have inside of me that you could have been here to see my babies and how beautiful they are. Hope you’re having a grand time in heaven. XOXO

   So i ask you to stop and think…where were you when the world stopped turning that September day? Remember your loved ones. Cherish them. And never let them leave your sight without letting them know that you love them.

Texts From Last Night

 

i have come across this website a few times and it is always wildly entertaining. i shared it with some of Yyou the other night and it got such a good response i promised one of my readers that i would post a special blog dedicated to some of the better texts that appear on this site. So here goes…*grins* i hope Yyou enjoy!

 

 

Selections from The Best Nights Ever…

“his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper”

“you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now”

“(661):

Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

(1-661):

What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"”

“It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers”

“I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.”

“A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.”

“Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.”

“(913):

hows the party?

(816):

ists fjcssing insceredle

(913):

be there in 10”

“Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.”

(For Sciicure and Mahalalel) “How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist”

“She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.”

“While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."”

“I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?”

“Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me”

“(850):

hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

(904):

not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

(850):

i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.”

(For my lovely Dominant Friends) “She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".”

“(801):

You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

(1-801):

There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

(801):

alright see you in the morning.”

“I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was”

“having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things”

“The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic”

“(205):

Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

(1-205):

You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

(205):

This explains so much.”

“So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.”

“Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.”

“(404):

I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

(812):

I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?”

 

 

i think i am going to stop here for now. *chuckles* There will be another installment sometime in the near future. *grins* Hope Yyou found them as amusing as i did. Man these ppl have interesting lives. LOL