my personal scarlet letter

 

 

By now most of Yyou  know of my recent personal shame. Most of Yyou know the wretched details of the recent happenings in my life. So i will not go into detail. Firstly, to reserve a measure of my own dignity and secondly, for the others involved, because it is not Their sin to bear.

Over the last couple of weeks, i have done a looooooot of soul searching and a lot of deep thinking. And in that time i have come to terms with a few things. They are as follows…

 

1. Blackmailing someone into submission is not Dominance, but Domineering. (Two very different things)

2. Life rarely turns out the way Wwe expect it to.

3. Sometimes people are just NOT meant to be together.

4. Trying doesn’t always make things better.

5. What some perceive as shame or an act of disloyalty is in truth quite the opposite.

6. And some things are MEANT to happen for other things to take place.

 

So when i stated the words “shame” above…i was not completely accurate. Am i proud of what i have done? No. Do i enjoy hurting people? Absolutely not. Did i set out to make such a mess of things on that fateful night? Not on your life.

There is one that has tried relentlessly to force me to be ashamed and has tried to force me into a role that i am not sure i fit into it anymore. Oh the things i have been called…the slanderous things that have been said about my character…the horrendous threats that have been slung at me at every turn.

It is hard to see past the mud-slinging and the name calling and the threats. However, there are a few things i’ve come to accept.

 

1. i deserve better.

2. i deserve more.

3. i will not submit to someone who refuses to give me any sort of Dominance, but thinks He can blackmail me into staying with him.

4. my give a damn is nearly smashed to smithereens.

 

i never intended for life to end up this way. i never wanted to hurt anyone. i do not know what the future holds. i am simply getting through the days as best i can with my soul intact and my children held in the safety and security of my loving embrace.

Some might see the way i am choosing to handle things as indecision, or backing down or simply giving in. And that is Ttheir right to have Ttheir own opinion. To Tthose people i simply say that i am sorry Tthey feel that way and if Tthey care to stick around Tthey will see the outcome of my messed up life when i do.

To the one who has been wronged…my deepest apologies go out to you and i am sorry for ever hurting you. i hope that one day you will understand and accept that for the truth it is. i also hope that you can find a way to accept and work with me for the future.

Be well my lovelies…until Wwe meet again. *kiss kiss*